last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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