I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
