it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
