I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
