$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
