There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
