Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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