I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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