i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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