i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
