I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
