im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
