your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
