it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i love accidental penises.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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