whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize