i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
