Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
