Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
