So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
