My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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