She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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