Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
