There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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