Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
