Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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