I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
