I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This baby is an asshole
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
