allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
