it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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