I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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