i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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