the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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