There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
