I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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