I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
nutella sex= disaster
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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