there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
