Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you didnt know i had herpes?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
