So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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