I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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