I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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