you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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