It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
