Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
