He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
