I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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