I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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