At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
farters have to be the big spoon...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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