New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
