we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
