Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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