Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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