I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
