I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
