At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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