stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
