I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
