I think i peed on brittanys purse
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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