As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
