Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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