Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
