Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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