ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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