No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she peed on how many people?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
