Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
