On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
