a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
