yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
