i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
