i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
