It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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