Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
