Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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