just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
